There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
