He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
