that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
