super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
These tits shall not be calmed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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