Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
