that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
