can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
