My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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