My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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