i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
