The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize