You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Those nachos came to me in a dream
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
