How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
