checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so much tequila, so little girl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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