I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
