I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
