remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
