How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
