are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
