covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
