i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
