worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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