Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
