??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
