I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
