is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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