I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
