I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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