We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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