I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
