I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
