she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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