the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
