just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have aggressive nipples.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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