You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
