brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His nipple licking is glorious
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