Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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