Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
