I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
