Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
