Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
