I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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