u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
