it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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