It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Drunk is not a location!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
