I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You just made me feel so damn special
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
