Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
