Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
