drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
