after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
