Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
