hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
