two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
