dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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