i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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