FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
