Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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