i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
