Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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