He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
