Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
