Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your penis caused this!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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