sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
