this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
