I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
