She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
