Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize