Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
