Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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