Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
