Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
