I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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