Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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