piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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