Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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