Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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