She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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