If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
