And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
