You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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