My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
