yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
