I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
