I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
