they need to just BURY HIM!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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